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Silvermists Crafty Life

Me, Monkey and our adventures together.

Month

August 2015

my journal pages so far…

i decided i should try journaling (again) and i have been struggling badly so i did my usual “search pinterest” and found that there was loads of ideas. Decorating pages are one of the MANY ideas.

2015-08-19 15.14.412015-08-19 15.15.022015-08-19 15.15.18

2015-08-19 15.15.23

2015-08-19 15.15.302015-08-19 15.15.412015-08-19 15.15.54

also i compiled a list of prompts to help i originally jotted down 100 but i have shortened it down to the ones i am likely to use…

  1. what make you… YOU!]
  2. what makes you laugh/cry, happy/sad
  3. your goals/wants/needs
  4. describe your surroundings
  5. tell as story about your family
  6. most people don’t know this but….
  7. your favourite things
  8. photo log pages of special occasions/moments
  9. use quotes
  10. use letters of the names to describe character
  11. use bullet points instead of  sentences
  12. fill in the blanks (if i were a superhero i would….)
  13. use the journal prompts
  14. place descriptive word strips/add pockets/inserts
  15. record funny moments conversations
  16. guest journalling… (get someone else to do your journal page for you)
  17. stamp/ink backgrounds
  18. what’s in my head?
  19. doodles
  20.  write a list of wishes
  21. tapping prompts (eft)
  22. crystals and what they do
  23. grateful for…
  24. self portrait and description of yourself by yourself and someone else
  25. draw your family tree and list and abbreviation you use like mom – angie
  26. meditations/affirmations
  27. spiritual outlook
  28. lists of achievements, books read,etc…
  29. craft ideas
  30. colours
  31. makes, progress and photos of them
  32. write a greeting statement and plan of use
  33. summary of current situation (home, job, friends, family, life)
  34. feelings and experiences
  35. to do list
  36. experiments
  37. a-z things you want do do and inspir you
  38. fun words
  39. to try lists
  40. memories
  41. best/worst decision you have ever made
  42. first list – first kiss, job, teacher, first concert….
  43. talents and strengths
  44. rainy day ides
  45. should do but dont wannas (chores, see people…)
  46. someone i admire and why
  47. ways to relax
  48. things i find beautiful]in your bag list
  49. proud of list
  50. favourite websites
  51. life questions
  52. feas/worries
  53. looking forward to…
  54. reminds you of home
  55. list of unusual things
  56. list of what you cant survive without
  57. jokes
  58. if i were a zillionaire
  59. pet peeves
  60. things to do when bored/sad
  61. best part of the day
  62. favourite digis/colours/blends
  63. how to be happy
  64. why you love each season
  65. random facts about me 10-100
  66. creativity – things that inspire you to keep creative
  67. dream home
  68. how you would better your life
  69. list of ideas to do with monkey and mom
  70. favourite things in nature
  71. manifest
  72. love to touch/sensory
  73. dreams and hopes
  74. random thoughts
  75. house rules/dos and donts

my journal has nothing in there yet but thats coz i am unsure where to begin do i ink more or do i writ,e if i write what do i write, who’s like to read and see it?

also i have  habit of overthinking things hahaha

I was chatting to my mate Lee (from http://pinkybellesshed.co.uk/) last night and i showed her the “new” journal i had started inking up n showed her my colourings and quotes and then where i got to on the last one which happened to be a section on “FAT” now i hate the word but it is one of the most common words used to describe a larger person (i.e. me!). She said Hey you should blog about it as a PLUS size blog… well yep i am plus sized but i have no intentions of solely focusing on that coz i have a short attention span with my add and aspergers 😀

2015-08-18 21.28.06-12015-08-18 21.28.202015-08-18 21.28.292015-08-18 21.29.47

so anyways i thought i wud shre what i had done for the section as it helped me get it out and although i am still comfort eating i tend to be worse when its the monthly nightmare hahaa i dont really do the excessive fizzy, etc… my downfall is sweets especially choc hahaah SAW that coming didnt u 😛

I have always known i was big even when i wasnt! plenty of people point it out often from a young age… things like chunky monkey, thunder thighs and the likes…. now i have worked hard on the Louise hay “you can heal your life” (FANTASTIC book i would recommend it to anyone) on these past comments and addressed each one as it came up and let it go i know who had said what and although they deny it it doesnt matter i knew they had just coz it was said about 30yrs ago didnt make it impact any less that if they had said it 2 years ago.. In fact id say it impacts work coz you are young impressionable and learn fast that unless you are slim names will hit u from all directions… plus having aspergers means u are a literal person so it isnt a “JOKE” its a FACT to us… not fair or fun but how you see us therefore must be the truth. ANYWAYS

i had at the time of thinking of the subject found a few inspirational quotes that i had added in before writing this big old “psychological” breakdown on my version of the word…2015-08-18 21.29.56

Be proud of your CURVES!

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and Learn to LOVE your body in ALL its greatness!

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Now it would be easy to roll into a chat about how i got to where i am 2day but truth be known the stories arent always nice and explaining them isnt easy not coz it hurts because it doesnt any more )im very matter of fact and diengaged from them now, but who wants to read about an abusive history of rape emotional financial and physical abuse!) having aspergers makes me a lil mre vulnerable than most to the nasties of the world so its easier to leave it at that… i have had MORE than my fair share of bullies and backstabbers users and plain old nasties… Needless to say FOOD is a sensory stimultion to escape from the noise in my head and therefore i am large…

see told you it wud get messy hahahaha….

well… one day i had the URGE to write it down,
The Journey Starts with the 1st step. FIGHT FOR THOUGHT2015-08-18 21.31.16
ooo i thought to myself thems powerfu words, hmmmm whats next…. and out it flowed….

FAT is a THOUGHT not a FEELING! (we can change thoughts)

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NOW aint that the truth! the more i thought, the more it dawned on me; it was an old belief pattern that i FELT fat not that i THOUGHT that i was fat… at the age of 14 i thought i was MASSIVE but 6 yrs later i looked at an old photo and thought i was shapely yes but i was actually a stunning shape [perfect hourglass figure] long dark blonde hair… but i thought i had lost it for good so gave up on ever being like that again… so i continued to write on that page, “Not all feelings benefit you but all are valid and acceptable… It is acceptable to release the feelings safely hen not benefitting you!”

So i began to think about what FAT meant to me…

what is fat?
THe wobbly bits; double chin, tummy, thighs, arms, boobs, bum….

why do i hold on to it?

Padding-protection (emotionallly)
grounding to hold me down here so i dont float way (i “zone” out alot)
to HIDE – hide from those drawn to my light (been hurt a lot)

because i cant remember being slim only big (hmmmm perception has always been i’m bigger than my sister (whos 5yrs older than me) therefore i must be BIG)

because i dont know how to let go only how to hold on (now i STILL struggle with this concept regularly everyday without fail)

because its tactile and feels odd to touch – almost unreal

What Benefits does it give you?

hides my true for, although not a PROPER benefit, it has hidden me from the radar of many (GOOD and bad)

As there are NO defined benefits how do i see myself?

In my mind i do not see my body in the physical and do not “feel” huge, i do not really acknowledge my size except in relation to my clothes.

Looking in the mirror i someone i recognise as myself but do not see as ME. I see the roundness of the body the oversize clothes to hide the lumps and bumps. i see many faults but dismiss them as i know its not what i see with my heart, it the SOCIAL (society’s) voice speaking.

Will letting go benefit me?

Yes… it will benefit me both physically and emotionally. it will lesson the pressure on my joints and organs as well as boost my esteem (hopefully) knowing that the guilty eating and fear no longer control me!
I know it will not benefit me mentally as it is the negative thinking thaaat i need to release to improve that but one step at a time…

By letting go of the weight that”holds” me to the physical plain, i am not letting go of my hold here just the unnecessary thought patterns and unreal image of being heavy grounds you.

how can i release it?

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I dont care to be skinny or slim but i’d like to be ME & FREE!

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THINK IT OFF!

Free From guilt

– eating
– being a disappointment
– letting myself down
– letting parents down
– letting monkey down
– pain
– over self
2015-08-18 21.32.39 – feeling like i have to more than me!

I am ENOUGH
I am ENOUGH
I am ENough
I REAAALLY am ENOUGH!

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That was where i ended… i am renown with those who know and love me that i dont have the best track record for keeping a routine or remembering to fill things out or do things even if it will befit me… it is not deliberate i have set alarms booked it in as appointment and all sorts but unless someone points it out to me i forget… even blogging… this is my 2nd or 3rd or 4th attempt at this hahahaa

Now i know that many of you wont have it resound in you but some may and even if my post resounds with one person and you realise you are not alone than i have given u a hand to hold and share the experience with 😀 this to me is more important than reaching the masses because no matter who you are YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND YOU ARE TRUELY LOVED RIGHT AT THIS SECOND>>> YOU ARE NEVER ALONE IN THIS JOURNEYxxxx

p.s. please forgive any shortened wording or typos… no-one is perfect 😀

so what have we been upto recently?

Ok so we have had a week and a half of the summer holidays and weather is NOT being too kind… we have had several grumpy days to match the weather which is to be expected so we kept activities to a minimum to prevent meltdowns… so as kit and clowder were holding a challenge we took part in that

alcck This one is a digi from ching-chou kuik called love in spring for the seasonal challenge, we both chose summer. She has been using Promarkers since she was about 5 and brought her own out of the pocket money she earnt and go about 30 second hand ones for xmas off my parents. so she is a little more careful in her colouring these days.

Then as i pay for the Kit and Clowder monthly classes i decided to ask monkey if she wanted to try… alk&c

This is a yampuff drawing called lost and found, we spent several hours colouring and i thought she did phenomenally…

mycck myk&c

These are my attempts (back ground on the lost and found is still not completem due to the fact she got bored and we haven’t completed them yet.

on Wednesday my mom popped over to do some card making for xmas… it was a fun afternoon and been a long time since we all managed to craft together because monkey is usually demanding attention and help but she cracked on and made 4 cards with minimal help!!

on Thursday mom decided to take monkey to hers for a few hours to give me chance to have a break as monkey can be very intense she had a sewng esson with nanny so she was well chuffed bless her she’s making a “nest” for her baby hedwig teddy (snowy owl out of harry potter) she managed to sew a round circle with nanny n needs to stuff it ready for the next stage. While she was gone i made some progress with my new bag so i’m a happy bunny hahaaa

on Saturday my parents came over and painted my fences for me.. My Dad has a paint spray gun so takes a fraction of time and far less energy…

and that takes up to today, i took monkey for Sunday lunch, we did a small food shop and got some new tshirts for tie dying. Monkey is super excited coz we are going swimming tomorrow morning and i brought her some goggles and a nose clip so she wants to try it all out hahaha… i also brought her a new hand held bubble machine coz her big machine died so we had some fun with that earlier too… she’s in bed at last and hopefully asleep now so i finally got to print out the new digi’s i got from make it crafty while she had a 35% off sale hahaha CANT WAIT to play!

That’s pretty much us caught up till next time

take Care all 😛

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