after starting the year full of motivation and determination, i started sorting the house out and decluttering (huge task for me) the craft area was the main focus coz it was the source of annoyance in my aspie brain. after working hard to move it and sort it i got 2/3rds through and motivation left on a trip never to return so we turned to do kitchen and my bedroom all part sorted and yet not finished… so exasperating… i did so well and started with good intentions… even started to leave reminders to eat and drink (aspie brain forgets simple daily living things). but agin it all fell through i had plans to do so much more than i am actually doing. i will admit that the flu combined with infection knocked me for six and took a lot longer than i expected to recover… but that was 3 weeks ago and i still look at everything thats half finished and sigh at it wishing i had someone to come in organise and sort it in to a logical sense for me, but alas not even mom will do it for me.

i really want to decorate rooms and yet till they are sorted there is not chance of any help then mom is pushing me to decorate monkeys room as its supposedly easiest. the face hers is in LEAST need of it makes me not happy about it… casuing even lack of motivation 😦

then on top of that the doc pointed out that i need to lose weight (well DUH!!!) i said i am doing exercise when i can making myself go up and down the stairs every few hours and getting up and moving around more than i used to. His response was its not the exercise that loses you the weight you need to diet! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA If you say so Diets are fads and last 12 weeks… i am in the process of trying to do a lifestyle change and told him so. he said well then its a portion issue i laughed at him again and said not quite mate its more a case of my body is in starvation mode due to FORGETING to eat and drink due to aspie brain i can go from evening meal at 6pm till 2pm without actually eating anything even snacks coz im to involved in what i am doing to eat. i also have tried reminders stuck around and alarms but i have a habit of thinking i’ll do it in a minute, im in the middle of this and i gotta finish it before i lose motivation which often happens. He just went on to a blank stare, nothing he can say to some one who has tried many avenues to remember to eat i can eat properly for a few weeks and then miss one and then its a slippery steep slope that means i miss breakfast and often lunch i eat an evening meal coz i cook for monkey. without her here i would probably miss that and sudden realise at 11pm ive not eaten (done that a fair few times in the past).  Its an on going struggle for me.

on a positive note i have started and completed a craft tote bag took me a while to make due to sourcing bits but its done and im proud of it… not the best photo as i hadnt done the last part when i took the picture but hey ho…

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I also have had a change in myself, if i venture to a hair dressers then a drastic change is occurring inside and as i needed to sort mop out i have had a fab change in completely changing my style…

 

Also i have made the resolve to start charging for my tarot/clairvoyant readings. i just need to get motivated to make a site so i can promote it.

i dont often talk about being an aspie (aspergers) but it does affect me daily and affects people around me in the aspects of how i forget simple things like offering drinks or i may come across as abrupt i spend much of the time b4 answering trying to work out how to word an answer in my head before voicing it. i struggle in crowds and rely heavily on my mom to keep me grounded she is the true meaning of my rock, she keeps me from being overwhelmed by the noise and vision over simulations… others offer to try and be there but i am often afraid to let them into my world as in the past its been thrown at me or used against me in some way.  i spend nights over thinking and trying to play a scene out in my head before it happens to steady the anxiety, i used let go and calm down bach flower remedies for days before something planned too.

think thats enough insight into my bubble for today as i dont want to open too much and shrink back in to my shell… small steps. plus you probably had trouble following my thoughts as they jup about and although i reigned them in in this i know i went away from where i started haha… never mind

 

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